OK, so in order to overcome ANXIETY about pending adoption – (either we are, or we aren’t – it’s a 50-50 chance that the birthmom will pick us), I made a conscious choice to do NOTHING today. It started off innocently enough – check e-mail, look at pictures on flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/shelli and check fertility friend: http://www.fertilityfriend.com. Have some decaf, some breakfast, then contemplate starting the day.
Then I tell myself that I need to take a brief mental break and play a little Playstation, to take my mind off of “things.” I started playing the Sims Bustin Out at approx 11am.
it is now 10:38 pm, and I’m STILL in my Jammies, and I haven’t left my apartment.
I should be reveling in the bliss of doing NOTHING all day, so why do I feel guilty?
Tomorrow is a BUSY day – it’s our Co-op’s gardening party, which I’m in charge of (really, I’m just the chief weed puller, so I get to pick what we plant in the spring) and I have to do laundry, clean the house, and take all of the Passover stuff downstairs, to our storage unit. Passover “Passed over” last week.
I think I would have enjoyed this day more if I could have truly enjoyed the guilty pleasure of doing NOTHING. I just couldn’t turn off my A type personality / stage manager mind set. Now mind you, this “guilt” did not get my ass off of the couch, it just ate away at me.
If only I could learn from my precious cats, and just nap the day away, in sheer bliss…