OK, so 2006 rolls around, the beginning of my 36th year on this planet, and what should I get to greet the new year with?
Gas pains that mimic a heart attack.
Like BOOM – I enter 2006, and my body sends a gentle, loving reminder that it’s ageing.
It was one of my first nights in Seattle with Narda, and I made her stay up with me as we played cards, and I drank seltzer. I ran out and got Maalox the next day – but I’ll tell ya, nothing works like seltzer to clear a few lodged gas bubbles. NOTHING. Just take a BIG swig of the stuff, wait a few minutes, and Voila! Pain-be-gone.
I’m still going to go see my doctor on Thursday morning, just to check things out.
And I had oatmeal for breakfast today, my winter staple. And my goal is to go to the gym today after work. I think the other remedy to this new development with my body will be massive weight loss. I have about 50-60 pounds to lose to get healthy, and about 20 more than that if I can do it, but I’ll take 50-60 at this point. I fell asleep thinking about going back to OA. It’s where I lost the big amount when I was 28. Which I’m not anymore. And I quit smoking three years ago, and I was on fertility drugs for almost a year after that. So I do have to be a bit gentle with myself in terms of expectations being different this time. But I have to do SOMETHING. And it will be good to focus singularly on something for a while; (read: instead of focusing on the lack of a small bi-pedeal in our lives).
I adore my therapist, but I fear she just can’t help me in this respect. She’s not an eating disorder therapist, and it’s obvious. I’ve called her on the fact that she tends to change the subject after I bring up the food stuff, and she reminds me “that I know how to do it.” That I have to find ways to “nurture” myself without food.
It’s SO hard when you *know* how to do something, but still find it hard to do so, despite your best efforts.