Malka has turned 16 weeks old (on Saturday), and has randomly picked up some new behaviors – she turns from the nipple when feeding – as if to practice breathing through her mouth, as if it’s a fun new game. So when she does it, I take the bottle away, and she’s all “OH, I needed that, sorry.” and then she’s fine for a bit, and then that “baby 7 second short term memory” kicks in, and she does it again… her sleep is changing too. She used to take a big 3 hour nap during the day, but now she’s sleeping in smaller spurts. She seems to be MORE gassy and have MORE spit up than before – but we also started adding probiotics to her formula 3 days ago (to counter-balance the anti-biotics she was on), and perhaps that’s it.
All I know is that today, I learned a higher meaning of love, because she had some SERIOUS gas pains late in the afternoon, and was crying like I’ve NEVER heard her cry. Both Fabiola (our 9 hour a week Equadorian Jehovas Witness babysitter who seems to only babysit for Jewish lesbians…) and Narda were there, and Narda fed her, which seemed to quell the crying, so we gave her back to Fabiola, and she started up again, and then Fabiola got the world’s BIGGEST BURP out of her – I’m SO serious – it’s like she was in competition with a frat boy who was in a beer chugging contest – we all broke out laughing. But AFTER that little episode, I went and shut myself in the bathroom and cried. I was So upset that I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with my baby, and that she was in SUCH pain, it killed me. I mean REALLY killed me.
Her toes are still an issue for me, but I’ll get over it. It’s all healed, but now the dead skin is peeling, and it itches her, so she frantically rubs her feet together, and I feel so bad for her. Now she seems to have another toe nail that looks like it’s peeling off. I just slather her toes in neosporin constantly – morning and evening, letting her toes air out at night, and keeping them socked during the day.
This whole motherhood thing is wonderful, awesome, scary, hard, and rewarding, and I TRULY never knew the capacity I had to love another human being until Malka came into our lives. I love her SO much, it’s hard to be around her when she’s unhappy or ill, because it hurts ME so much…