So as many of you know, I’m very excited to celebrate FOUR years as a non-smoker in a few days. It also marks the four year anniversary of our actively trying to start a family. It took three years into that “activity” to be blessed with she that is Malka Palka Pooka Palka. And NOW, looking back, I can honestly and truthfully say that the wait was worth it. Each and every family that I have met on this journey, that has been blessed with a family addition as well, has been blessed with THE perfect baby for their family. We are no different. We are SO lucky, it’s amazing.
But I digress. As many of you also know, I am currently on lexapro, for an anxiety disorder. My anxiety tends to focus on my health. If I get a splinter, I SLATHER on the antibiotic ointment, for fear of infection. If I have heartburn, I’m convinced it’s something more serious. It’s sadly my nature. The lexapro has REALLY REALLY helped. I feel my edges rounding, and I’m not feeling as anxious as I used to feel. Sure, I get waves of anxiety, but they aren’t the multi-day panic-fest they used to be – the waves are usually over in a few hours.
So I’ve had these sores in my mouth for about a week. And now I’m sick – the cold (either daycare virus #37, or the lovely re-circulated airplane air from the ride from NY to Chicago) has hit, and I just bought An Inconvienent Truth and watched it. WOW. Amazing movie, and puts everything I already knew into a much more urgent perspective. But it’s also the kind of movie that can remind you that unless we act NOW, the world is due to end in about a week. So that kind of level of seriousness can trigger my anxiety buttons QUITE easily. So as I’m watching the movie, I was CONVINCED that the 18 years I spent as a smoker had manifested itself in mouth cancer. I know a few people who have been recently diagnosed with cancer, Janet being the most recent. Her diagnosis came while dad was here in NY for Malka’s birthday. It’s breaast cancer. She’s very optimistic, and looking at it as an “obstacle.” WOW. I am in awe of that woman’s strength. So yes, I had myself convinced that I had mouth cancer. All in the span of an afternoon.
When the movie was over, I went to google. I looked up: “Canker sore.” I was VERY relieved to read the information, along with the google image search which showed EXACTLY what I have going on in my mouth.
So for ONCE, “Dr. Google” was my friend. I had actually put a self-imposed ban on googling symptoms, as that previously mentioned splinter? It could be Mycetoma.