Cali asked us to make a post about remembering. I share about what we lost, and about what we’ve learned. It seems a lifetime ago. But I’ve never forgotten.
Friday, August 12, 2005
I hurt for her
the first series of news to make my heart skip a beat and fear the worst…
Nicole, (our faboo Social worker) calls, and says that “yes, they are still planning on following with an adoption plan” but they are ALL very emotional, and there’s lots of crying, and they are planning on taking her home Sunday night to have their “one night” with her, and then we go over to their house on Monday morning with our SW and her SW, and if they like us enough and feel comfortable, she will sign her surrender documents.
it’s our openess that has drawn her to us, and I pray we all have the strength to get through this together.
I cannot imagine a more terrible time for her, joyous and yet fearful for us.
it’s so easy to get caught up in our OWN sturmunddrang, that I can forget just HOW painful it is for a parent to give up a child for adoption. She must be going through soooo many emotions right now, my heart hurts for her.
I’m a mess.
I want what is best for this baby, but we so desperately want to be parents, too.
My hope is that she will continue with the adoption plan, and we’ll end up having gained a new family member, in the guise of our child’s birth mother.
that is my prayer.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
she has decided to parent
What more can be said. Her SW called me just now and told me the news.
We’ll keep you posted as to the next one.
Monday, August 15, 2005
what I’ve learned
I only learned this week, after three years of ttc, how much my friends really DO care. I had stopped telling them about every failed IUI, about every adoption call that fell through, but with this most recent one (we should have been bringing our daughter home today…) – they all came through for me – Why?
Because I asked them to – I sent an e-mail saying that I didn’t need to be cheered up, that I just needed them to be there. And they were.
Shocked the shit out of me, to be honest.
I want to simply share that if you ask for what you need, you just might get it…
4 thoughts on “on remembering”
I remember reading that, how sad I felt for you both.
I am moved by your closing note from August 15th, 2005.
in a way it was a lifetime ago, but in another it hurts like it just happened. you are an amazing and strong woman who survived the shittiness. and now there is malka, the daughter who was always meant to be yours!
I wasn’t blogging/reading back in 2005, I only knew hazily about your past losses. Tough, tough stuff. I’m so sorry for that pain, but so glad Malka is here now to ease it with snuggles (and cheek).
And I tagged you…come check it out.
oh I remember so well all of the hell that you guys went through…so many almosts for you guys.
I remember you being the only person I had ever met to have gone through as many IUI’s as me and still be able to find the hope.
Sending much love to you & your girls. I cling to your happy ending, but I know that it was a LONG path.